We Have been keeping a very big secret…
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me back up and start from the very beginning…
After our last frozen embryo transfer (FET) was cancelled I felt defeated. I was upset with my body. I couldn’t understand why my lining wouldn’t grow and especially why it started to decrease with added medications. We had three frozen embryos just sitting in a lab waiting to meet us. I like to call them my little tater tots. Do you know how frustrating it is when all you want to do is take your babies home with you, but your body won’t let you. You start questioning and doubting yourself.
I’ve had the most supportive family and friends I could possibility ask for. They cheer me on every step of the way. My success was their success. And my heartbreak was their heartbreak. I never felt alone, or judged for the decisions I made, or embarrassed because I broke down crying in public (which has happened more times than I can count). I know for myself that opening up about my journey on social media was scary at first. Being so open has its ups and downs, however it’s connected me with a group of women (and some men) who are also struggling with infertility. The support I get from them is like none other. They understand exactly what I’m going through because they are/or did go through the exact same thing.
Enter Rachael, the stunning blonde above. For those of you who have followed my journey for a while now, you probably know Rachael. She beat infertility and is now a mom to two adorable IVF twins. What you may not know is that we started our TTC journey together. I’m not a huge fan of the line “everything happens for a reason” but with Rachael, I believe our paths crossed for a reason. Let’s go back for a second…Rachael and I met at work and quickly connected over wanting to start our own families. In the beginning, before we knew anything was wrong, we would track our cycles on fertility friend and pee on ovulation sticks throughout the day. I’m positive our husbands both thought we were crazy. Sometimes I wish I recorded some of our conversations. The best had to be when Rachael ran into my office one morning and proclaimed she HAD to be pregnant because she saw a school bus drive by and started crying. Only pregnancy hormones would make you do that right?!
As many of you unfortunately know, battling infertility is overwhelming and full of emotions. Finances aside, the strain on your mind, body and soul is tremendous. I’m not proud to admit this, but after our last FET cancellation I was willing to give up on my dream of having a biological child. I thought that ship had sailed. I was an emotional wreck that week and when I opened up to Rachael about wanting to move on to other options, I remember her holding my hands and saying over and over again “Jen listen to me, I am going to carry your baby Jen.” With tears streaming down both our faces, looking like a couple of hot messes, I felt like she was throwing me a lifeline. I will ALWAYS remember that moment.
By far the easiest part of this whole journey was deciding to move forward with Rachael as our gestational carrier (GC). The rest of the checklist was filled with stress, mostly frustration, but that’s all in the past now.
Trust me, I know we’re lucky. Truly selfless people are hard to come by in this world. Rachael is our baby’s sitter, my best friend and anchor of hope. And I can’t forget her rock star of a husband, the man behind the “not my baby” shirt. He has provided endless support and encouragement throughout our pregnancy. He also has the ability to find humor in any situation and always makes us laugh. And sometimes that’s all you need.
Tony and I will be forever indebted to this unbelievably, overwhelming act of kindness. Words truly cannot describe just how thankful we are for this miracle.